battleswifexo

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 06:20:44 GMT

Yeah soo Matt's family sucks. Well his grandmom & his uncle do. I'll tell ya about his aunt tomorrow after work ... IF I DON'T GET FIRED. But anyway. Ray was missing since Tuesday morning until last night. On Thursday night I was freaking out a little bit because I wanted to find him before Friday when his friends get paid soo ya know he didn't run himself down & die. So yeahh I was sitting at my moms apartment & then we called Curtis [Matt's uncle] & said we would give him 20 to drive me around to look for Ray .. & he was all for it. So he drove for about five minutes to Ray's girls house & then he said okay let's go home & he turned to me & said that I'm never gonna find him. I got out the car & said I wasn't gonna give him 20 to drive me around for five minutes. Then Matts comes to me like okay calm down & his uncles like, "shut that little bitch the fuckk up!" Matt turned to him like, "what the fuckk, youu shut the fuckk up. Shes upset." His uncle shut the car door, started it & started pulling away. So we both screamed faggot, which isn't right because he's gay. But who the fuckk is he?! He was acting like a fuckking bitch. So we were down in fuckking the heart of tacony at 1 am. So Matt called his friend & he took us up to Matt's grandmoms house. We get there & we planned on ignoring his uncle because thats the millionth time he's done that to us. Then his uncle comes into the room we were in & he's like do yas wanna call me a faggot now?! I turned & looked at him & laughed. Then he screamed it & woke up Matt's grandmom. So I turned & I was hype as shit like yeah, you acted like one & I'm not gonna give youu twenty bucks for driving me somewhere I could walk. Plus I flipped out about all the money he's taken off of me anyway. Then how he has my little brother & my little cousin getting him weed. So yeahh. His grandmom was all on our side all crazy then Curtis took her in the room. She came out & sat down & she said look Stephanie, this is why you're upset because of your brother. So I flipped & said no because your son is a piece of fuckking shit & he talks about me & basically robbed me. I'M 18 HE'S 33! Whos wrong here!? She got up & stood over me while I was on the couch & told me, "You shut your mouth." Pointing in my face & shit. Then I stood up saying I'm leaving & she pushed me down & said your not going anywhere. So Matt stood up & said, "Get the fuckk off of her, thats my fiancee & your not gonna tell her what to do. I'm sticking by her thru everything." Then his uncle got up about to hit Matt cause he stood up to his grandmom. But the moral to the story is .. These fucking people try to talk everyone out of everything against them & I'm not gonna let them do it to me. They say that everyone is 'attacking' them & everyone should feel bad for them. So yeahh then we left his grandmom called & told us to come back & his uncle said no when his uncle has no place to say that because he don't pay any bills or anything. Then the next day Matt gets text from Curtis saying that he can come back but I'm not welcome in his apartment. So I sent him two text saying that hes a low life & shit. Then last night his grandmom calls & tells him that shes shutting off my phone. So I said I want the money that I gave her for it. She don't wanna give me that. Then I called her cause all she kept saying was that shes a grown woman, so ya know if she was she wouldn't have put her hands on me & she would've called me & told me that she was shutting off my phone. But no his grandpop answers, so I told him about Bob. Bob is the dude that his grandmom rents her apartnment off of & shes fucking soo her rent isn't that much. Then he started getting hype with me. So my mom called & told him more. My mom went to his grandmoms apartment to tell Curtis to back the fuckk off. But Curtis didn't answer. Soo yeahh. What a pussy. Then Curtis sent Matt text all last night saying shit about how his mom isn't going to ever forgive him for this. WHAT A FUCKKING PUSSY! But he didn't tell mommy that! He told Matt to grow up! HAHAHAHHAHAH THATS FUCKING PRICELESS! Then he threw all of our stuff outside, including Matts 500 dollar game system. Then we got there & as we were pulling up Curtis was pulling off & wouldn't even look over at us. Then we went thru our shit & Curtis gave us his shampoo & mouthwash & kept our fucking dove shampoo & conditioner. THAT SHITS EXPENSIVE. Anyway, I'll let ya know about his aunt Bethanne tomorrow. TTYL!

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 15:28:34 GMT

I'm getting fuckken married muhhfuckkkkkerrr.

Matt asked me on Saturday, November 17th 2007. I love him more than anything. We have an apartment that we're moving into this Saturday. We will most likely have a little party the following weekend. But yeah I can't wait to be married & for this weekend to get here!!! I love my babiee boy! MY FIANCEE. Oh yeah, my wedding is going to be beautiful, REGARDLESS! But yeahh .. the main color other than my dress will be apple red. It's going to be beautiful! okay loves. ttyl

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 00:31:39 GMT

Yeahh soo there's soo much that has been going on. But last night changed my life. It changed my world. It stopped me from worrying about everything. Matt asked me to marry him! The ring is beautiful! It's 14k white gold & has all little diamonds on it. The diamonds are real too!!! It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!!! Matt is the best & the ring is just perfect. It's not too flashy or too 'unflashy?' It's just right. I love him & yeahh we're having an engagment party I think on New Years eve or something like that. But yeahh we probably won't get married for a little while. But yeahh I'm happy as shit!!!!! Okay, well yeahh I'll have a picture of it sooner or later. Bye loves♥

Thu, 18 Oct 2007 14:55:55 GMT

I have fuckken 26 days left! Well technically if you don't count my actual birthday, it's 25 days. But whatever. This whole runaway shit was .. Long & hard. But it was well fuckken worth it. I've figured out a few things about what I'm going to do on my actual birthday. But I fuckken change my mind so much because I think about way too many things. So I have no idea what I'm doing. I just have to put some more thought into it. I think I'm just putting my all into it & I'm going to not do what I plan on. Therefore I kind of don't want to think about it too much. I just have to sit down & think about the future for my brothers. Especially how I'm going to go about seeing them. So I don't want to say too much to my aunt. But from what I've heard from Tina, my aunt heard everything I said to my DHS worker when I called her. Then I heard from my aunt Karen that my aunt Arleen heard from people that I went to at school for help about things that I hated living there. So I'm actually fuckked. But I'm not taking anything back. I had my opinions & I have the right to say what I feel. So really, if she can't put shit behind her ... That's her problem. But I refuse to back away from seeing my brothers because of her. My life has always been about them two. So there is no fuckken way I will ever let them go. They're my world. It's like, my mom can be forgotten about & I can get her outta my mind. But my brothers .. It's a conpletely different story. Not a day goes by that I don't wonder if they were each happy for at least one second of that day. They're on my mind a lot at times. I hear a song that I listened to with one of them & I think about every single time we did listen to it together. Like right now I'm listening to 'Don't matter' by Akon & the first time I ever heard it, I was playing PS2 with Eddie right around Christmas time & we learned the song together. Then he made it the song to my mom because no one would let us see her/live with her. Eddie is one of the most complicated people I know. But at the same time, he amazes me with some of the shit he comes up with. Then I hear the song 'Renee' by .. I don't know. lol But it's a back in the day song that Michael & Ray used to listen to when we lived at Manchester. So I think about them days. Then I think about when Ray was locked up & Michael would play that song & cry over how it was the only song him & Ray listened to all the time together. Then there's Christina. Mr. Lonely, My humps, Fergalicious, every dirty dancing song ... & a million more. Then there's Lori. Who the fuckk could forget her faves! Cinderella, Poison, Bon Jovi, Jimmy Buffet .. Then there's songs that make me so upset because they explain how sorry I am for being another asshole in each of their lives that just got up & left. Sometimes I feel as though I was wrong for literally just getting up & leaving that day.

but i gotta go, i'll finish later.

Thu, 18 Oct 2007 08:17:10 GMT

Yeah so this song is the shit.
It definitely shows how i feel about my family.
it's too fuckken late bitches.

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothin new
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
It's too late to apologize, yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah-
I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...

Fuckken dumbass hospital. [frankford-torresdale]

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 15:35:37 GMT

Yeah so I figured out whats been wrong with me. Like how I was saying I was getting really bad pains when I get my period. Well Tuesday night/Wednesday morning I was getting the worst pains thru my ovary area & it was the worst feeling that I've ever gotten without even having my period this time. So it really alarmed me. I called my mom & told her the feelings I was getting. So she got a ride & picked up Matt & I. She took me to the hospital, we got there at 2:30 AM & we waited forever just to get in the fuckken place. But finally after 5 hours they took me back. So yeahh. They put an IV in my arm & I had a panic attack because I like felt the saline shit going through my arm. Then they gave me some fuckken pain medication that made my fuckken face numb, which was GREAT! hahah. But yeahh it was crazy. They made me drink all this fuckken water, so I could go get an ultrasound. Then I drank all that water & I felt like I was going to piss myself. Then they gave me this nasty shit to drink cause I had to get a catscan. I had a catscan & an ultrasound before when I had that cyst on my ovary when I was 11. But they said my white blood cell count was very high, so they thought I had appendicitis. About 6 hours later they come in & tell me that I had a cyst on the same ovary as when I was 11 & it was bursting. That was why I was in so much pain. But they were still worried about the white blood cell count & they checked my vagina for everything. But as I left the hospital, the pain medication started wearing off & I started feeling like I had a really bad ear/throat infection. Well there was the infection. That's why my white blood cell count was high. But that motherrfuckken dumbass hospital never found it. I hate that fuckken hospital cause they don't care about anything, but talking about how much of a pain in the ass a patient is. But yeahh I'm done.

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 03:20:23 GMT

So I just talked to Michael & he was telling me how some kid from another foster home came over for the weekend. His name was Harry & he was 12 years old. Michael was saying, 'I fell in love with that kid!' But he was telling me the kids story & it fuckken made me cry. It's like what the fuck is wrong with people & drugs? How can someone even do some shit like leave their kid over some fuckken substance. Like okay, I'm no better when it comes to wanting to get 'fuckked up.' But I wouldn't fuckk up my own kids fuckken life just for my body to get some dumbass feeling. It's like ... WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT???! But this kid is 12 & he's stuck with some fuckken niggers. Sorry, I had to say it. He was telling Michael how the place he lives at they call him a cracker & shit. Then he tells the case worker & she doesn't do anything about it. [btw, his case worker is the same one we have] But he left my aunts today & he didn't wanna leave. He ran to everyone in the house, hugged them & cried. But it's like it kills me because this kid is fuckken completely stuck. His mom died, his dad don't care & his grandmom is trying to get custody, but she's getting too old & she has some financial/housing problems. So this kid is stuck for another 6 years. I just hope he survives it. Most kids don't.

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 07:16:08 GMT

Yeahh so Matt & I had a fight tonight & he made me realize the truth about my life. Everyone in my family wants nothing to do with me. I mean look at me, I tried killing myself, everything I do in my life I fuck up [including trying to kill myself, I mean look I didn't even succeed at that] Every dude has dumped me because I'm such a bitch & just how I say shit makes people wanna kill themselves. I'm just a psychopathic freak waiting to fully form or some shit. What the fuckk have I ever done right? Do I even know where I came from? Where are my roots? WHY DO I ACT LIKE I DO!? Why doesn't anyone understand or know why I'm so fuckked up? My mom hates me. THATS ENOUGH INFORMATION FOR ANYONE TO UNDERSTAND THAT I'M A FUCKKED UP PIECE OF SHIT. So for now. That's it. But yeahh who knows what the fuckk will be written later.... & who cares?

48 days until my birthday

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 17:31:29 GMT

I wish it was 48 hours! But it's okay because i'm a little scared of it. I think i'm scared to actually be 18. I mean it's not like there's really gonna be too much of a difference. But at the same time there will be.

I kind of regret leaving there. I don't regret the part of getting rid of Nick & the stupid motherfuckerrs who I really thought cared for me. But I regret not finishing school & I regret not being able to see my brothers, my sister & my niece because of it. I also regret how mad I was over all of it in the beginning because I shouldn't have let it get to me that bad.

But the good part is that it made me a whole different person.. Normally in that much stress I would've taken myself into this whole psychopathic trip & I would've started doing some crazy shit. But thanks to the people who made me happy, I didn't go crazy. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. [Rose, Bia, Dee, Matt, Bree, Dan] There's no way that I can seriously repay you guys for everything. But I just wanted to say that ya'll are my family & ya'll are stuck with me now, FOR REAL! Hahah. Nah but there are so many things that I wish I could change, except for ya'll. I couldn't have asked for any other life with any other family. I love you guys with all my heart. You all being in my life is the only thing I don't regret.

FUCK THE DRAMATIC MOTHERFUCKERRS I WAS FORCED TO SHARE BLOOD WITH, YA'LL ARE THICKER THAN BLOOD.